singley.org > blog archives > I Refuse to be a Victim 02.20.2004

From a distance, he looked innocent enough. He was happy, smiling brightly, even dancing a bit in spite of the grey, weekday morning. As I approached, though, his seemingly festive antics got more spastic, more menacing. I considered crossing to the other side of the street, but come on, he still looked relatively friendly, right, what with his bright green shirt and large, inviting smile? I got within 10 feet. Then five. And then he was right next to me, hovering above, twice my size and looking now so much more out of control. And it happened: his gangly form doubled over just as I came within reach, and he came crashing down upon me, his spindly arms flailing as I tried to recover and make a hasty escape to safety, only a few steps away. We struggled, his supple body giving way as I poked and shoved, tangling us further. Finally I made a desperate leap forwards, moving quickly and keeping low as to avoid a second, punishing blow. And I was free. I caught my breath a moment and looked back at him as he stood up straight again, eagerly awaiting his next unsuspecting victim.

It's hard, but I can write about this now that a few days have passed. Each morning, I still follow the same route, as I refuse to live in fear. And each morning I get within a few feet of him and his evil black grin, knowing that it'll happen again, that he's just waiting for the right moment, for me to let my guard down. But I am watching you. Oh yes. And one day I'll be armed, armed with a pointy umbrella, a corkscrew, or perhaps an inconspicuous sewing needle. And just as you attempt to deliver another crushing blow, I'll be there, stabbing quickly but making my mark. And I will watch, satisfied, as the life whooshes out of your skinny, threatening form. Beware, you. Beware, inflatable sidewalk car wash advertisement thingy.

get him Singley!! You go!

I thought it only attacked me! It's so good to know that I'm not alone who is harassed by Mr. Wash.

Damn the man!

It's kind of like Gumby, but for carwashes. Plus it's yellow and not really green. I wonder what his name is. Gumbywash? Carby? Supersud? And what the hell is that orange thing on his arm? I think he's bleeding.

Dan