singley.org > blog archives > Whatever, Tom Cruise 11.25.2003

On my way home from work for the past couple weeks, Tom Cruise has been staring at me from a bus stop poster. Above him in large, bold letters is the movie title, "The Last Samurai." Now I can't be certain, but I'm pretty sure that Tom Cruise is about as Asian as I am. So what's he doing in full, traditional Japanese armor charging into battle? Did he get lost on his way to Hawaii? Invent a time machine and return to the mid-19th century Japan? Were all the big Asian actors busy while he was just chillin' at home one day thinking, "sure, I could be a Japanese guy?" I needed to know. From IMDB, a plot summary:

"In Japan, Civil War veteran Captain Woodrow Algren trains Emperor Meiji's troops in the way of the gun as they prepare to defeat the last of the country's samurais. But Algren's passion is swayed when he is captured by the samurai and learns about their traditions and code of honor."

Umm, sure, ok. Good luck with that, TC.

Eric, I didn't know that you were Asian, although I should have guessed from the rice fetish. That's awesome...keep up the good work.

Why can't Tom go back to shirtless volleyball scenes and lip-synching in his underwear?

Wait a second, did I say that outloud?

Word up on that Chad. Actually, the only way I would pay to see The Last Samurai in theaters would be if I found out that they inserted the shirtless volleyball scene from Top Gun.

Wait wait wait....I hear that Tom is in the primary stages of ethno-surgery. So, while "we" cannot yet see the ethnic/racial changes on the outside of Tom - he can indeed feel the ethnic/racial changes occuring on the inside. Seriously. I heard about this from a clinic downt the street from me so I researched it out of curiosity. They were offering a special - buy an ethno-surgery, get a free spoiler.

Perhaps next time we see Tom driving by, he'll be in a yellow low-riding Honda Civic with a brand new spoiler.

Then we'll know.

Anthony Hopkins is a black man posing as a Jew in his latest. He is, of course, the natural candidate for that role. Or maybe Denzel Washington, the only black man living in Hollywood, declined it.

So how's the "regular updating" thing going, hmmmm?